Stuck in the Shadows- Why You’re Still Not Where You Want to Be (Yet)

“See my shadow changing
Stretching up and over me
Soften this old armor
Hoping I can clear the way by
Stepping through my shadow
Coming out the other side
Step into the shadow”

-Maynard James Keenan
Tool | Forty six & 2

You know exactly what steps will change your life, but you still hesitate to take action.

Me too.
We all have.
Knowledge- but no action.
What is holding you back?

Humans avoid discomfort.
The unknown is frightening. Familiar is easy.
We all desire more control- yet hesitate to take the wheel.

Sometimes, you are able to break free and gain some traction.
But you get halfway down the road only to hit the rumble strips.
Conflict and confusion arise.
Maybe this isn't the place you wanted to be.

So, you turn around and run back to the comfort zone- somber, sweating, and shaking.

In my own life, I have always desired to be healthier.
To me, this meant having consistent and abundant energy.
More focus, more clarity, more happiness and strength.
More.
A simple path was there, available, and inviting me in.

Clean up the diet, workout, get enough sleep, drink plenty of water, meditate, etc.

While I would make inroads, I tended to always fall back into my old ways.
I'd spend all kinds of time an energy chasing down hacks. Trying to get what I wanted with minimal effort and sacrifice.
Knowing all along I needed to focus and adhere to the basics.

For you, it may be a different goal.
Perhaps you want to stop living paycheck to paycheck or get your finances in order.

The path is right there-

• Pay yourself first.
• Create a budget, live below your means, and save more than you earn.
• Build a healthy balance sheet- distinguish assets from liabilities, and good debt from bad debt.
• Invest wisely- understand your options, diversify, and generate cash flow.
• Avoid unnecessary transfers of wealth.

As in my health journey, despite most folks knowing what they need to do- they get stuck.

You created a budget but didn't stick to it.
You chased down the next big investment- and ended up losing money or even blowing up completely.
You borrowed up to your eyeballs- and are now working for the banks as much as you are yourself.

What is this all about?
The Procrastination, the self-sabotage, the fear, the anger, the resistance...

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” - Carl Jung

Carl Jung is the founder of analytical psychology.
Uncle Carl attributes our tendency to avoid necessary actions and delay meaningful change to what he calls "the Shadow".

The Shadow is the parts of yourself that you push away.
These parts- repressed and trapped in the unconscious mind.

Your Shadow pins you down.
The more you avoid it, the more you're locked in place.
Keeping you where you are at -
far away from where you want to be.

Let us pull the Shadow out of hiding and see how this can manifest in your everyday life-

repressed beliefs

You see scarcity. It's never going to be enough.
You feel guilty. It's greedy to want more money.
Money is evil.
These seeds were planted long ago- during early life experiences.
Pounded further into your brain over time through media and societal messaging.

fear of failure

Risks and opportunities are more ways to fail.
Failure means judgement, disappointment, and uncertainty.
Failing is a confidence killer- causing you to doubt and question your own abilities.
As such, any necessary steps towards a goal get delayed or neglected altogether.

fear of success

As much as the thought of failing can keep you up at night, the thought of success is equally as disturbing.
With success comes higher expectations and more responsibilities.
Success means change is in the air.
You will have to keep showing up, and there will be more pressure.
Success is vulnerability.

fear of the mirror

Any meaningful change means you must take a long, hard look at yourself.
Confronting your own issues head on. This provokes anxiety and shame.
All uncomfortable truths, some of your own doing, staring you right in the face.

projections

You copy and paste your traits onto others and avoid recognizing them in yourself.
Quick to point out the flaws of those around you.
Critical and accusing.
Them, not me.

Getting any realm of life in order requires a shift in identity.

Make no mistake- there are external forces that challenge progress and change.
But your own mind is the true obstacle.

When you can acknowledge, confront, and integrate your shadow- it loses power.
It sounds intimidating because it is.
It feels uncomfortable because it is.

Baby steps. Gradually, then suddenly. It is an ongoing practice.

Here are four tools that I've found essential in this work-

Journaling

Use prompts. This helps surface the beliefs and emotions you need to confront.
A few to get going-

• What does your ideal life look like?
• Why aren't you there yet? Be honest. What's beliefs hold you back?
• How can you reframe these thoughts and emotions, and untangle these beliefs?

Mindfulness

The voices in our heads talk a lot of smack.
Meditating helps quiet things down, even for a moment.
It creates space and separation. You may start to observe your thoughts, rather than getting hooked or attached to them.
There is plenty of options out there. I use Waking Up.

Opening Up

I have always had my guard up. A do-it-yourselfer.
When I let it down, the needle moved.
Whether it is a trusted friend, your spouse, a coach, a therapist- this is key to breaking through.

Practice Integrating your Shadow

As you uncover repressed thoughts and emotions, begin to integrate them into your daily life.
For example- say you tend to avoid conflict. You've never been good at setting boundaries or being assertive.
Identify an opportunity to do so- and do it.
Start small- and build from there.

The steps to any result you seek are often well known, simple and straightforward.
Success leaves plenty of clues, as does failure.

You observe the consistent actions, behaviors, and routines of others.
You collect and store the evidence to help you make better decisions.
This should help you get where you want to go.

But instead- you get lost.
The path becomes a maze.
You look for shortcuts, chasing down life hacks and cheat codes.
Another form of resistance and avoidance.

Bring your Shadow into consciousness.
Work on acknowledging and integrating these various aspects.
These deep-seated emotions and beliefs are the weeds you need to pull along your path to success.

Meaningful change will come, and you are worthy of it.